Today is bad. My mood has slipped into blackness again – the drugs aren’t working. The only difference they appear to be making is that this time I feel nervy and anxious as well. Not a nice combination. I was ok this morning, I even got an ok nights sleep as I banished the cats from the bedroom. But I am so fed up with turning up to the same old crappy job, listening to the same old bitchiness from my colleagues, doing the same old boring admin… if I can’t do something about this soon I think I’m going to meltdown.
I think I’m going to have to book another appointment with the doctor to discuss the fact that the medication is not helping. My mood still chugs along somewhere near the bottom – as long as the mood isn’t black I consider that a good day… but it isn’t. I have no interest in seeing friends or going out, work bores me to death, my life is so fucking dull I despair. Problem is I’m in such a bad place that I don’t actually want to do anything. I spend all my free time watching crap sci-fi boxsets and crap tv. I don’t want to go away on holiday, I don’t want to stay at home, I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to see my friends or family… what the fuck else is there?? Jesus this is getting out of hand I seem to be powerless to help myself. To be honest the ONLY thing I have to cling onto at the moment is this piece of shit, self-indulgent blog about my boring, underachieving, miserable, fucked up life.