Introduction: Anonymous Drowning Man

I am a 41 year old, single man and I am writing this blog in an attempt to rescue my life from a bitter quagmire of decline. The alarm bells in my head can no longer be ignored and it is now time for me to stand up and fight the awful, creeping apathy that now so lovingly strokes my brow, and bring to a halt my increasingly cynical disinterest in, and therefore gradual disengagement from, the world. Only then can I possibly find any kind of peace of mind, or contentment during my remaining time here on earth, or indeed any kind of meaning to my life.

I need to find my new golden path and somehow stop this descent into apathy, cowardice and cynicism; these things which seem to have slowly enveloped my entire existence and all but crippled me. So I need to explore the forgotten nooks and crannies of my life and experiences, and try to understand why I have ended up as I have. I must also attempt to create positive ways to change the things that I don’t like, and ultimately stop myself from drowning in the vast ocean of a mediocre life. I still need to make my own stamp on the world, but I don’t yet know how. So this is going to have to be an exploration… an experiment to see if I can turn my life around and bring back my joie de vivre. It might be, that all I discover is that I need professional psychiatric help. If that is the case, then I shall seek it. But I am hoping I will find much, much more.

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About RescueMyLife

I am a single man, 45 years old living in London and working in the media. My life is complex and I have decided to try and make some sense of it. I am writing this blog anonymously as I believe that only by remaining anonymous can I be honest and speak freely about my thoughts and feelings. I have no idea where this blog will take me...
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15 Responses to Introduction: Anonymous Drowning Man

  1. Pandora says:

    Welcome to blogging! I look forward to following you and hope you can work through things well and quickly.

    Best wishes

    Pan 🙂

  2. says:

    For what it’s worth, it seems to me that you’ve already in part taken steps to “stop this descent into apathy, cowardice, and cynicism.” Reflection, self-discovery, and asserting a willingness to critically investigate and change oneself and one’s self are all things that cowards don’t do. Introspection carries with it the possibility of pain, and one must be brave to start. Well done.

  3. Spiritsblue says:

    I too have begun a journey through my blog to understand why things ended this way My story is not easy to write and I too struggle with telling the truth about myself and some of the painful events leading me here .I think it helps put things into perspective for me and I am learning as I go. It is a long journey for it spans over 40 years from depressions and domestic violence to dealing with PTSD and Bipolar. Yet here I am a
    survivor and growing stronger with each stroke of the key.So I encourage you my friend to keep on writing whenever and however you need to for the truth may yet help to set you free. It is the secrets that make us sick .
    I hope you will follow me on Twitter or my blog and I will be reading your tweets .

    • RescueMyLife says:

      It’s nice to know that others are blogging for similar reasons to me – it is such a daunting prospect and I’ve been stuck on my latest post about my reasons/motivations for blogging for the last week. It sounds like such a simple thing to talk about and that was what I thought too, but actually it’s thrown up an ‘issue’ that I really wasn’t expecting at all and I’m struggling with it.
      I keep going back to it but ultimately don’t actually know what I think so am just going round in increasingly confusing circles…
      Your words of encouragement are greatly appreciated, and actually may have helped a little with the post I am struggling with.
      Your comment ‘it is the secrets that make us sick’ is also resonating loudly…
      Thanks again
      RML

  4. mrsp says:

    Hi,
    I hope blogging helps you find what you are looking for, I have found a lot of inspirational stories alongside personal account from others who can put into words what I am unable to. I wish you well. I don’t always comment, tend to shy away when down (facebook hiatus has already recurred). Take care.
    MrsP x

    • RescueMyLife says:

      Hi MrsP,
      Sorry I have been neglectful in replying to comments. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and for reading my blog. I’m not sure if it will ever reach the lofty heights of being ‘inspirational’ but it will at the very least be honest. I am not finding it very easy putting what I really feel into words, but I am determined to at least try. As I just discovered, I also tend to shy away when down… I’ve just resurfaced from a very bad couple of weeks & the blog got dropped like a brick! I’m sure it wasn’t writing the blog that caused the bleakness in the first place…
      Thanks again for your comment.
      RML

  5. susan says:

    I’m so glad there is another 40 something blogging, who also works or did work in the media.

    I have gotten so much from blogging, it’s gotten me through many rough times and long lonely nights. I hope you can find what you are looking for and I really look forward to reading more of you.

    Take care.

    P.S. It would be too funny if we both worked for the same place- I worked for a bit in London as well.

    • RescueMyLife says:

      Thanks for taking the time to read my blog Susan. I already feel like I’m getting a lot out of it and it’s nice to have something new to focus on. It has been hard too – the brutal honesty can be a little overwhelming at times, but I feel quite hopeful it will help me to move my life forward.
      Thanks again for reading and taking the time to comment.
      RML

  6. AllUCanBe (Barb) says:

    Hello!

    You followed me on Twitter, I followed you back and read a bit of your blog posts. I’m so glad you’re using this platform to share what you’re experiencing, and by remaining anonymous, it allows you to fully vent without fear of repercussion. I’m so hoping your meds do make a difference, often times it takes time to try various meds, various therapists – before striking a balance. Sharing your story, your thoughts and feelings gives you an outlet and an opportunity for others to comment back.

    I also have a blog, telling my story of losing my husband to suicide many years ago and what I experienced afterwards. I must say you’re getting a lot of comments and support, so few leave comments on my blog as it’s a topic with a lot of stigma and taboo. I just continue on, hope you do too!

    Wishing you all the best!

    • RescueMyLife says:

      Hi,
      Thanks for leaving a comment. I am just discovering that it does indeed take time to find the right balance of medication / therapy. The Flouxetine isn’t working and I have about 3 weeks to wait before my therapy starts. All very frustrating when you want to feel better fast! This blog has been quite therapeutic, and it has certainly been a journey so far… it has also had its downsides – raking over old wounds, discovering new ones…

      I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband to suicide – that must be so incredibly hard to come to terms with I can only try to imagine. I hope your blog is helping you. I will definitely drop by and read your blog – maybe some of the wonderful people who have been supporting me here might do the same too: http://allucanbe.wordpress.com
      All the best
      RML

  7. SpazEMcGee says:

    For what it’s worth, this is beautifully written. I love your poetically perfect words. I know by experience that it is the mark of a heart marred by conflict and life experiences. I wish you the best of luck in all that you do. I hope you have found and/or continue to find/search for the answers that your heart desires. I am on my own personal life journey seeking answers and help for my own mental and emotional needs. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck once again.

    • RescueMyLife says:

      Thank you – it seems like a long time ago that I wrote this introduction and I am now a long way into my journey. It has been a healing process, it has also been a very painful process that I have had to remove myself from occasionally. I still have no real answers, but the journey continues… I hope your own journey is providing you with some answers and comfort and I wish you luck and all my very best wishes.
      RML

  8. CathyElle says:

    You’re single and 43, which ordinarily would interest me in your blog even if it is about a lack of joie de vivre in your life. Being a Brit is a plus, too, but evidently you still live over there which makes you, in the words of Tom & Ray Magliacci of CarTalk in Boston, geographically undesirable. Other that that I wish you well with your journey and get well soon!

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